Nothing

This week was intense. Everything happened so fast.

I'm having doubts whether !@#$ does exist. With everything going around the world, my beliefs are starting to change its path. But whether which path i will took, i havent decide yet. I will put all my faith on the upcoming weeks. The next two weeks, i will decide on my mission and aim to accomplish it.

I hate it when you enter a room, then everyone in the room stares at you like you are a weirdo. I don't blame them for staring, i do it all the time.

I have just finished watching this show called iris. It was one of the best show i've watch. I do hope that something like this will happen in the future. And i wished to be a part of it. I do know that this is unrealistic, but it is possible in the present that it is happening.

Honestly, i have never ever think of doing engineering, accounting, etc. I am not curious of how it feels like of doing this kind of job. The only job that i feel curious is the feeling of becoming a part of an organization that is a secret to the society. Something like alqaeda but with different targets. Something that is important and something that you can put your life on. I know that in my current state, it seems impossible and very ambitious but sometimes i feel that.......

For me, if there were something good to happen, i need to sacrifice something first. It has always been my fate. Nothing good ever happens to me without a sacrifice or something i would lose. Well sometime ago, i was doing this computer exam that i had to complete to begin the next level. While waiting for the exam, i had to sit with unknown people in that room. Because they were all waiting to do their exam. And you know in every story there are always a girl or a boy. As i sat down, looking at her several times. My fate was already set. I know that in order to get that girl, i had to sacrifice something. And that sacrifice must be the same level as getting that girl. I finally conclude that there were two choices for me at that same day. It was either passing the exam or getting the girl. I had to choose between them two. But i decide that choosing to pass the exam is more wise. Because of my schedule, if i had failed the exam, everything will be messed up, my schedule will need to be reschedule. So i didn't want to fail the exam, so i concentrate on passing that exam. After passing the exam, i tried to find the girl but it was too late.

Oh darn school starts soon, i wish my school would just explode. I guess that i went to the wrong school. I don't know why fate set me this school.

Missed the chance again!!

Well today i went to the Metro Driving Academy. To get my L licence. That wasn't my only objective, i wanted to do an experiment. I wanted to wink at any girl that im interested to see their reaction. Well, i know this sounds silly and pathetic but this experiment could change me. Well so as i arrived at the academy, i quickly looked around to see if they were any hot girls. But there were none. But i still had hope, there have to be a hot girl in this acedemy. After i had registered, i went to the room where the teacher would teach us about some stuff. So when i went in but it was still empty, so i looked around and find a good spot i can sit where i could see all the people. I had to find a good view of the room. SO i sat down and wait for people to come in. As i heard someone opening the door, my head swiftly goes to the direction of the door and wait patiently for someone to come in. As people keep coming in, i prayed that someone hot would come in. But as time gone by, there were none. There were only old people and guys and girls that aren't my type. The room quickly filled up with people. I began losing hope...My neck was very tired cause of everytime the door opens my head would turn around. Finally, a girl came to the room. I observed every detail of her. SHe was what i imagined her to be. She was the one i was looking for. She had the most beautiful hair and her hair was just spectacular. She was shorter than me which is hard to find. She is malay. And i didn't really see her face clearly. But from far, she was the one. She looked like an angel. I knew she was the one. Then like 10 seconds ago..she went out the room because it was full. I screamed so loud inside my brain. Then she had to go to another room because my room was full. SHe was in my brain for the entire lesson. AT recess, i went out of the room, then i saw her on the hallway, she was walking towards me, as i was gonna open my mouth , people behind me were very noisy, i had also prayed if she will look me in the eye so i could do the wink. But she never did. Then she went to her room and i never saw her again until the end of class. It was 4.20 pm.. I was tired. I had to finish my experiment. I had to do the wink to someone. As the instructor ask me to go into the car, i went to the door and went in. As i sat down in the car, I quickly just made eye contact with the girls in front of me. Btw they were also attractive but wasnt my kind. I look closely at the girls eyes and tries to make them see me. But they never saw me. Damn, how can i do my wink if no one is looking at me? As the driver starts its engine..there i saw that perfect girl walking towards the entrance door. I was like....wah....there she is.....the perfect girl. Damn, i was just 20 seconds late. Since then, i regret for not doing anything. I should have done something. I failed...i always fail...i am a failure. That is a fact.

Friends

This is a difficult subject for me to write. My concept of friends are different to other people. There are 6 category that i put them in.

1) Enemies - hate each other
2) Nobody - only talk once in a while
3) Classmates - only friends in school but not friends in the outside world
4) Friends - Friends in outside school and in school
5) Good friends - Share each other feelings and share our secrets
6) Best friends - have been good friends for a long period of time

To be honest, whenver i hear the word 'friend' being said to me, i always hear sarcastic in their voice.

Why can't people just be honest and tell you in the face that we are not friends.

Why do people lie? Is it to make themselves feel better?

No one is perfect

Nobody in this world are perfect. They all have problems in their life. I have a theory or i believe that you can either have one of these things:

a) had a good childhood life but the future will be terrible
b) had a bad childhood life but will have a bright future
c) had a normal childhood life and a normal future

Do you think my beliefs are ridiculous? My beliefs are that you can either choose one of them. You cannot have a good childhood and also a good future at the same time.

Everything happen for a reason. God have already set the path for you.

People keep telling me that my family is wealthy. I admit that i am not poor.
Let's just assume that i am rich and go to an expensive school. But you have little friends and are suffering. Whats the point of being rich without any happiness? Whats the point of living if you are suffering every minute. For me every week, there will be days that are bad and some might be good.

I have never had a good week. If i had a great day today, tomorrow or the next day would be the worst day. From the multiple choice, if i had to choose one of them, i would choose b.

If i were to find out that my beliefs are incorrect and in the future i still suffers. There would be only one left thing to do at that time.

I hope in the future i would leave my past behind and never ever have any memories of it.

What would you choose? Should i continue believing in my beliefs or should i not believing in anything anymore? I admit that i am a lost boy. I am just on a journey to find the truth. To find who i really am?

Betrayal

Have you ever been betrayed before? How did you feel? Did you want revenge?
I admit that i am not famous or special. I am always sad and unhappy. I only have a few friends. I admit that everyday i feel like i want to die. My world is full of gloomy days. Today was one of the worst day ever. This was the first time i feel like i was being rejected. Rejected by others because of my personality. Today me and and a classmate of mine was supposed to be partners. We were supposed to share tables because each of us had to choose a partner to share with. We promised to be partners. But the next day i found out that he chose another partner. He chose that other partner because he was more famous and had better qualities than me. I am not angry at him for breaking the promise. But im dissapointed. BUT At the same time, i was glad he betrayed me because now i know his true qualities. AT least now i will just assume that all my classmates are the same as him. I dont blame him for not wanting to be partners with me. Because everyone know what qualities i have. I won't get revenge on him because that wont solve anything. It will just create problems. He is who he is. I cant change who he is. All the past years he chose me to be his partner because no one wanted to be his partner. Now i feel so stupid. At least i have learnt the TRUTH. NOW I wont trust anyone. It will be me alone against the world. The world of darkness full of fake people. THIS IS THE TRUTH. WHat do you think? Should i get revenge? Should i continue living my life? OR Should i just die?
Give me a reason why should i continue living this life? Why is God making me suffer?

Birthday

My birthday was just a couple of weeks ago. The TRUTH is every year i would spent my birthday alone. Because thats how i want it to be. I don't like celebrating my birthday because it doesn't mean anything to me. I ask them, what is the point of celebrating your birthday? They answered: to celebrate our new age. Well i rarely say happy birthday to anyone because i think its pointless. what do you think? What does birthdays mean to you? I know i'm weird, but thats who i am. I have my own beliefs and others have their owns. I am sure that you have said "Happy Birthday" to someone a million times and im sure that you dont remember when you said it.
For example : A guy call Tom. His birthday was today. All his classmates says happy birthday to him. BUT will Tom remember who said happy birthday to him. He will quickly forgets.
My point is whats the point of saying happy birthday to someone if that someone will forget about it the next day.
People would said that they are just being nice.
I apologize if i have offended others but if you disagree with my beliefs. Feel free to comment it. I wont get piss if you post something very offensive because i will learn from other people honest comments.

JOURNEY

Currently i am on a journey. A journey to find the truth. Do you always wonder what it truly means when revealing your secret. This man with his great quotes once told me "by revealing what you are hiding from world
you are collapsing the barrier between people
a barrier that interupts you
during the time of our lives"
quote by "SYI"
This quote have made my life more meaningful. It gave me more confident to reveal my secrets. BUT What do you think? Should I or i shouldn't reveal my secrets.

1 TRUTH

I am tired of lying to myself. Since the day i was born, i lie to myself to make myseld feel better. I lie to people to make people think positively of me. I don't reveal my true personality because i don't want to be alone. So what should i do? Keep telling lies and hide THE TRUTH.